Do things on your terms. Live your big life. If you're not happy with what you're doing, find something else to do that you enjoy. So many people are just going through the motions. Learn how to listen to your emotions and break away from what people expect you to do. This is what Bethany Clemenson did before finding Big Life Resources. Learn why she stepped away from corporate life and into coaching. Find out how to work on yourself so that you can do anything in life. Feel good today by listening to this episode!
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Work On Yourself To Live The Big Life With Bethany Clemenson
We are going to jump in and do a little session with my good friend, Bethany Clemenson, also known as Brittany, but don't call her Brittany. That name is reserved for me. She is a Big Life Coach and I'm not going to do her story justice. I'm going to let her do a quick intro. We are going to jump right in because, thinking about this course and how we want to kick it off, I felt like this was perfect to start off with in our series. Thank you for doing this. I'm truly grateful and I'm going to turn it over to you.
I reached a point in my life. I was in a corporate job that I thought was my dream job. At one point, it was. I would get goosebumps before I went to work because I was so excited about being there. I would just think, "How could this have happened to me?" Over time, I checked all the boxes and gotten the promotions. I had the income. We built our dream house and all these things. It wasn't fulfilling anymore because things don't fill that hole for you, but I'm a slow learner.
I was thinking like God Universe Source, I call GUS, either teaches us with a feather or a two-by-four, and I missed the feathers. Typically, I'm like the two-by-four-whack-on-the-head kind of girl. My marriage was falling apart. I didn't know my kids on the outside. It looks like I was killing it. I was the first to be at work and the last to go home. People called me a superwoman. I wore my busy badge with pride, but I was dying on the inside. I would drink excessively at night and chase the wine with Ambien so I could shut my brain off. Before I drifted off to sleep every night, I would think, "This is my life. Is this all there is?"
I was too afraid to tell anybody because I thought I should be happy. After all, I had checked all society's prescribed life boxes. I've done the things that I thought you were supposed to do to be happy and I wasn't. Meanwhile, at work, I worked in senior living and I sat with people as they died. At the end of their lives, the stories I heard were, "I had a good life, but..."
The but was always filled with the things that they wanted to do like, "I wish I would have learned to dance. My wife always wanted to dance, but I was too busy working because I had to provide for the family and then she died suddenly. Now, I'll never have that opportunity. I wanted to travel. I had a list of places I wanted to go, but my husband didn't, so I didn't travel. Now, I'm dying. I wanted to be a teacher, but my parents told me I should get married. I did that, but I regretted it my entire life."
As I dug into the research to see if there was any support to what I was experiencing, I found that the number one regret of the dying was that they weren't brave enough to live life on their terms, to even know that most people don't even take the time to know what it is that they truly want. Reluctantly and skeptically, I started working with a coach. The only reason I did it is because the coach was offered through my employer. There's no way in hell I would have put the money out to do that at that time because I didn't believe in it, but I was so stuck. I knew something had to give. Working with him changed everything.
The number one regret of the dying was that they weren't brave enough to live life on their own terms.
Over the course of several years, I started speaking and helping people outside of work. Every time my coach would teach me something, I would pull my girlfriends together as hostages on the weekends and make them do the exercises whether they wanted to or not like they were captives. Eventually, I decided to step away from my corporate job. When I did it, my coach said, "Join my company." That was my first coaching certification.
Fast forward, now I help people break free and lean into the thoughts that are holding them back. It's the best thing I could ever possibly imagine doing. What I have found is our beliefs drive our behavior and all beliefs are a series of thoughts that we have over and over again. For instance, it's easy when you start to grow or learn or you drive a level of success that you can come into a program like this or any program if you are willing to come in at all to even think that you might need help.
When you do get into the program, "I already know this. I'm doing this because Hayley is nice. I would like to have the kind of muscles that she has on her arms. That's why I'm doing this, but I know all the stuff," I want to caution you to be an open book. Our friend Nina is in this round with the program that this will be going to, at least initially, she is good at being open and saying, "I'm having a learner's mentality."
As we jump into this, which is amazing, I don't know if you all have looked through it. First of all, every other page is a quote. That's like my love language. I sat down and read through the entire book. I couldn't wait to get to the next page of quotes. The exercises are cool too. As you launch into this, be careful of your sneaky screw tapes because we all have them, which is why you probably don't have a level of whatever you're seeking. That's why you're here in your life. There's some type of a thought loop or thought pattern that's blocking that from happening for you.
Everything you want wants you. Let's pretend that there is a stream of well-being and well-being is everything that you desire. It's always coming at you, but you can only get it if you're in alignment with it. If you're standing over here and the well-being is here, it's not going to happen. It's like when you're tuning into a radio station. If you're at 690 AM, you're not going to get 101.4 FM music. How you vibe may sound foreign. It sounded foreign to me at first. It's important that you stay in alignment with what you want.
How do you know you're doing that? It's so simple. I didn't say it was easy. You just feel good because your emotions are the first indicator of where your vibe is. Any time that you aren't at peace or you feel off, discouraged or low, you want to feel those feelings, but then you want to ask yourself, "What's the next best thought I can think? What's the next thing I can do to raise my level?" This here is a line of, "Below this is everything that's disempowered, low-level thinking and low vibe. Everything up here is a high vibe." Things down here are like jealousy and grief, which all of us are going to experience.
Don't think that you have to live up here all the time, disappointment, worthlessness, discouragement, despair, but then up here, unconditional love, freedom, integrity, passion, power, self-love, all the things that we all want. Maybe you're feeling guilty or playing the victim. I was good at playing the victim. I was the victim of everything for years. To think that you're going to go from victimhood all the way up to unconditional love in thought is crazy. This is all a process.
Everybody can begin to raise their vibe at any moment, anytime. This is a moment-to-moment practice. What happens over time is because a belief is only a thought on repeat and our thoughts directly correlate with our emotions, but we can't filter our thoughts because there are 60,000 to 90,000 a day, which is impossible for us to do, but we can filter our feelings. The next-best thought is your way up.
The next-best way to feel maybe is moving your body, dancing it out, having a good cry, screaming into a pillow or beating the water in your pool with a pool noodle. Whatever that's safe, they can help you transmute that energy because energy isn't created or destroyed. It's just changed. If you're going to rise and have the highest level of results in Hayley's program or anything in life, your focus has to be on one thing only, "How am I feeling?" Just notice.
I teach a method inside of my program. It's called LENS. Noticing when you're feeling off is the L, Listen to your body. The E is Evaluate, not with judgment and, "I shouldn't be feeling grief. I shouldn't be the victim." It's just, "Isn't that interesting? I'm off. Okay, great." If you have the time at that moment, sit with those feelings and allow them to pass.
If not, the next step is N, which is the Next step, "What is my next step here? Is this aligned with what I want with who I want to be?" You choose that and the S is Show up, "How are you going to show up?" That process over and over again, moment-to-moment, can help you stay in the vibe that you need to be in to have everything that you want in your life and more.
Is this something that you go through in the courses that you do? I still have to catch up on the Shift.
A belief is a thought on repeat. Your thoughts directly correlate with your emotions. You need to filter out your thoughts.
On the very last day of Shift, I wrap everything up with the LENS Method. We dive into undoing beliefs and the deep, heavier work inside of my four-week Big Life U Program. In seven days, things shift massively and people have big results, but it's moment-to-moment, which is why you're doing this twelve weeks. When I saw this was twelve weeks, I was so excited because I needed more discipline. I see you and, to me, you seem like the queen of discipline. You're clear about what you're putting in your body, how you're moving your body, your health and how you're taking care of yourself.
I saw a quote that said, "If you can manage your food and nutrition, you can do anything in your life." I watched you in Tennessee model that every term. It's not that you didn't ever do take a bite of something that you wanted to try or you loved, but I watched you model that. I'm so excited to be able to learn that discipline piece. Discipline is giving yourself a command and then following through. Sometimes I'm not so good at that. I'll show up for everybody else, but I need to work on myself in that area.
It's also about consistency and setting the wheels in motion for the little things to become the big habits that become the way you live. It starts as, "This week, I'm going to try this and then this week, I'm going to add this on." It becomes a habit that you form. For me, I appreciate the acknowledgment for that, but I know what makes me feel terrible. I don't want to feel terrible because then you're not getting the best of me if I feel like shit. If I'm eating things that are upsetting my stomach or rushing me to the bathroom, you're not going to get me at my finest.
That's where the discipline comes from. The way I eat because of my stomach issues has forced me to have a cleaner life. A cleaner life is a clearer brain. I operate on it on a different level than I've ever operated on. I love sharing what I'm doing and how it's working. It doesn't work for everybody, but it works for me. It makes me feel good. There were so many things you said in the beginning that I was like, "I want to talk to her about this."
Many people who go through this program are in that mindset or they've come out of that mindset. The reason why I started this is because I pivoted in my life and career multiple times. I feel like people are always asked from the time they're in first grade like, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" No one asks you, "Who do you want to be?"
As far as your story goes, that's my TED Talk. One day, I will do it. It's, "Who do you want to be?" It's a better TED Talk for you since you came from that industry. When you're lying on your deathbed, it's not about what you wanted to be when you grow up because you read all the books like The Happiness Advantage or Happier. I read all those books because I went through this crazy pivot in my life where my marriage was shit.
I went the divorce route because I chose happiness. I couldn't live my life in an unhappy state all the time because you weren't getting the best of me. My kids and my business weren't getting the best of me. You were getting this shell of a human being that was broken and had cracks all over it. What you said is so important about not living with the regret of like, "I should have. I wish I had."
My rabbi gave a sermon on Yom Kippur, which is when we repent for all of our sins. He tied it into the vaccine and I'm not even going to go there. It was about living your life with regret and about, how you're going to get to the end and what you're going to look back on? Are you going to look back on like, "I'm so glad that I played it safe and stood my ground on this one thing. Here I am on my deathbed and I haven't fulfilled my dreams, purpose and mission in life?"
That's what prompted me to write Foster Your Passion because I wanted to share with people my own journey of how I went from, same as you, which is so funny. It must be why you and I are on the same frequency all the time. I went from corporate, graduated college and moved right into New York City. I got my first 800-square-foot apartment. I don't even think it was 800-square-foot at the time. I went right into the corporate world, which was where I thought I should be because my whole upbringing, my dad was like, "You could be at the head of the table at these boardrooms." He was old school and born in 1926 and served in World War II.
He was always seeing these women climbing the corporate ladder and was like, "You could do this like these gals. These gals are leading these meetings and running these companies. I could see you doing that." I was like, "I can do that." I went and did it and realized like, "I hate Corporate America. This is not for me. This is not filling my cup. This is not making me feel good." I loved what I did while I did it like you. I wore my busy badge and superwoman cape. I commuted to the city or around this other city for twelve years.
I got to a point where it wasn't for me anymore. I wasn't feeling fulfilled. I started to do things as side hustles like you were doing because that's what filled my cup. I was doing networking events, getting together with women and talking about how we can help, support and serve each other. I went to a business coach, same thing, although I paid for it. I was like, "I need to get out of this company that I started. I had my own company before this company. I need to get out." That led me to find this passion.
Many people keep going through the motions. They stay stuck. They convince themselves that this disappointment and maybe even anger that they're feeling is normal. They go home and numb out with booze, excessive social media, TV, sleeping or whatever that is. They live their entire lives like that. I don't necessarily think that maybe anybody in your group because obviously they're taking steps, but we all have things that we believe that we don't even realize we believe that hold us back. We all do.
If you can manage your food and your nutrition, you can do anything in your life.
This came up as you were talking and I don't even how it fits, but I feel like I'm supposed to share it. I heard a coach describe this. This isn't my thing. Her name is Tracy Litt. I'm going to go through what she talked about because it stuck with me. I have been both of these people and this has played out in my life. "As women, when we are not in alignment, not at peace and ease in our zone, off emotionally, vibing low, feeling like shit or not in our zone, we typically act one of two ways."
One way is overbearing and bossy. You're the bitch. No one is going to tell you anything. You don't listen to other people. You mow people over. You maybe try to delegate and give people a little bit of control, but then you reel it back. You have to prove your point and be right or we go the other way. You're mousy and you censor, hide, shrink and never care, "I don't care where we go with that. No, it's all okay. I'm fine."
Either way, it breeds excessive resentment. Inside, you're trying so hard over here to stomp your feet, bang on your chest and pretend like you're okay. Here, you're thinking, "If you please everybody, if you can make everyone else around you happy, then I'll feel good enough, settled and at peace." All of that comes from here. Anytime you're off, it's all about going from wherever you're at in that cycle. It's not that you have to be extreme over here or over here, but you're trying to center and align. I've seen that.
Every woman I work with whenever I explain that, they're like, "Yeah, it worked." I wasn't to the extreme. Initially, I was to the extreme of like I had something to prove, but it wasn't smart enough. I didn't go to the mousy side, but I softened, but I was still somewhere. I wasn't settled and banging on my chest. I was in the middle. We got home. I shrunk and I was mousy. I censored and hid. I was so full of resentment.
The reason that my marriage almost fell apart is I stopped communicating because I couldn't win at home, but I felt like I could win at work. I was so full of resentment for what I thought that he wanted of me that I was never living up to and it was all bullshit in my head. It was all in my own story. It's not that he is not demanding. We are both high Ds on DISC, drivers and Type-A's. We are both demanding, but him wanting something and me not agreeing with it doesn't make me wrong.
I didn't realize that for years and so I shrunk and hid. I don't do that anymore. When I started using my voice and saying what my preferences were, everything changed in my life. I would never have been able to do that if I didn't have someone to help me uncover the blind spots, which I'm sure is what your coach helped you do too.
That is a great synopsis of what we go through as women. A lot of us that are this Type A personality and pushing, running and doing all the things like you want something done and give it to a busy person. That's us. There is the other side of us. Sometimes we need to let someone else take over or just free up the reins a little bit. I love this centering and alignment because you think it is too so important.
Women coming into this program, this is what it's all about. It's about finding the full package of, "How do I move this forward? How do I release some of the stuff over here so that I could be in the center?" I don't know if it comes with age because I feel like, at 40, there was an eye-opening shift for me. It was that time in my life where I was like, "I need to do the things for me. I need to find what makes me happy and live in that place. My kids are a little bit older."
A lot of women come into this program at that point in their lives, where they have something that they want to do, this passion that they want to fulfill or this service that they want to put out there to the world. They just need accountability and support. That's what this is all about. It's that accountability and support that breaks you through the things that are holding you back.
This is so good. There's so much. It's like marrying of all the things that we need to move us forward.
Give us some tips. What can we do to start peeling away the layers of the onion?
If you don't know where in your body it is that you feel things when you feel off or low, start noticing that. Some people say it's their throat, shoulders, stomach or heart. I've heard all of those. Notice where it is when you are feeling off and then feeling your feelings. We are not taught. We are taught, "Suck it up, buttercup. Big girls don't cry," all those things. Sitting with your emotions and allowing them, you don't have to label. It's just that you allow because what you resist persists. If you push and tamp it down, it hangs around and grows.
Allowing those emotions, for me, I'll scream. I don't know if you've gotten to that part in Shift, but I scream and I show how to do it. I'm sitting in my car sometimes or go into the bathroom and scream into a pillow if nobody is home to work through the emotions. At other times, I walk. I pretty much walk almost every day and that helps. Sometimes I cry and walk and it's okay. We are spiritual beings gifted with intellect, having a human experience. We are going to encounter all kinds of emotions and vibes. All those emotions lead us to different places.
People always ask, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” But no one asks, “Who do you want to be?”
When we start to notice in our body, it's our first indicator of when we are on or off or, if we are vibing high or low, we can up-level that. Thinking the next best thought, once you've moved through the emotions, if you have time to do that at the moment, great. Allow yourself 30 to 60 seconds to move through the emotions and then ask yourself, "What's the next best thought I can think?" If you're in the middle of a board meeting or giving a presentation, you don't have time to like, "One moment, I'm going to scream into my arm," but you can notice that you're off and then choose how you're going to show up.
How do you know what that is? "Who is the woman that you want to be?" I go through an exercise with people where we define who they are and that is their set point. That's what they go back to, "What does a confident, kind, accomplished and centered woman do? She does this." You make decisions from that person that you're becoming. That's your new set point, not from your current conditions and circumstances, but from who you're becoming. It's not that who you are is wrong because you're right where you're supposed to be.
If you're reading this, this is a perfect time. This is right where you're supposed to be. You're not behind. There's nothing that you've done wrong. You're not late to the game. This is where you're supposed to start. Embrace that and congratulate yourself for even being here in taking these steps. Most people don't take the time to even think about what they're thinking about, to notice what they're feeling, let alone to understand what it is they want in their lives. If you're here and you're reading this, you're doing that and congratulations. Let's do this.
That's a great note to end on. Bethany is our Big Life Coach. She is going to be in this program for those of you that are in it, although I guess the future people will be in it. You will have a week to jump into Slack and ask Bethany anything. That's part of the week that you get the video of Bethany. If you're lucky, maybe she will give you 5 or 10 minutes of her time. Thank you so much for doing this. I appreciate you and your time.
Thank you, Hayley.
About Bethany Clemenson
International Speaker, Podcaster, and Life Coach that focuses on Living YOUR Big Life on YOUR Terms by guiding people to elevate their mindset, energetics, and emotional awareness.
After years of hustling for her worth and checking all the boxes of society's prescribed life, it looked like she was killing it....but on the inside, it was killing her. Bethany was unfulfilled, disconnected, and her close relationships were in shambles. She began working on her mindset and digging deep into her beliefs and everything started to shift.
Her relationships improved, she and her family started to reconnect and dream together. They ended up selling almost everything they owned and traveling the US in a motorhome. Today, Bethany and her family live their Big Life in an 800 sq ft cabin in Wisconsin and she helps other high achiever women heal and shift their lives to live on their terms.